“Adolescence is a time of self-discovery. But discovery doesn’t have to mean defiance.”
If you’re reading this article, then, you might be having a tough time dealing with your teenager. Counsellors receive many inquiries regarding teenage outbursts and the inability of parents in dealing with these issues. The age of a teen begins at 13 years old and continues until 19 years old. This can be a very difficult phase, especially for parents and teens too.
Before we begin to talk about teens, let’s discuss our own. As parents of teens and adults of mature age when we get a piece of advice from our parents or in-laws, how would we react? Sure, no one enjoys hearing or receiving tips from anyone. We constantly feel that we’re capable enough to manage our lives by ourselves. That is when we are looking to establish our own identity.
Doesn’t it seem to be the same for teenagers? They are also growing up and are beginning to establish themselves as individuals making their own decisions/ choices as well as exploring their world. Hormones play a significant part in this growing-up phase. They can cause moodiness or irritability and can become angry or even hot-tempered.
They are looking at their sexuality, individuality, trying to understand their surroundings, and taking a fresh look at them. They could appear lazy, inefficient, and get low grades at school. These things can put parents on the verge of a tizzy. When parents continue to remind or discipline their children to stop, they are irritated, and eventually, at some point they explode, creating further damage to the family and situation.
Teenagers can be a challenge to parents as they are often demanding, and sometimes adamant. But some basic parenting techniques can assist you in navigating the change. These suggestions focus on the importance of recognizing your child’s dignity and worth and also teaching them to manage their emotions and anger.
“Teens do need to find out who they want to be, but they should be free to select qualities and values held by their parents as well as those not held by them.”
Mridula Sharma, Clinical Psychologist at TickTalkTo
What’s your Parenting Style?
To make the most use of this article, find out your parenting style by taking a quick questionnaire – the PSDQ on the TickTalkTo app. This will help you identify your parenting style – authoritative, authoritarian or permissive. Growing evidence suggests that while there is no single “best” parenting style, some broad patterns or styles of parenting have more beneficial effects than others.
Respectful parenting
As parents, it’s crucial to keep an attitude of respect for your child’s autonomy. Although they might want to make their own decisions, they’ll still require your help and guidance to solve some problems. For example, even though they might not be legally permitted to have a relationship or access the Internet, however, they must test and complete their assignments. In addition, they must spend time with their families.
To inculcate an attitude of independence in teenagers, parents must be the primary source of their child’s support. Providing a safe and secure home to them will instil the confidence to be able to take risks and succeed. Parents also need to teach their children how to behave and reinforce their beliefs and optimise their self-worth.
Positive discipline
If your child is beginning to get angry and you feel stressed. This is a challenging period for parents and teenagers alike. It is possible to use techniques for positive discipline to help your teenager adjust to this new stage in their life. There are numerous advantages when you employ positive discipline methods that will save you lots of energy and time.
Positive discipline techniques help your teenager learn self-control. Instead of scolding those who make mistakes they can learn through trial and error the best way to manage consequences. They can also make tough decisions despite the pressure of their peers.
Meal-time communication
The importance of mealtime conversations between teenagers and parents is often neglected, yet is essential to the child’s emotional well-being. In a recent study, researchers discovered that family mealtime conversations were positively linked with a child’s positive effect and involvement. It is essential to make meals enjoyable for all the family members and integrate family traditions into the routine of everyday life.
Teenagers are usually busy with homework, school, and weekend activities. This can make it difficult for parents to make time for their children. However, parents have to make an effort to spend time with their children during mealtimes.
Self-advocacy
Self-advocacy is an ability that can aid teens in a variety of situations. Alongside being able to speak up for their interests, it can assist a teenager to make wise choices. It is essential to motivate your child to be aware of what they would like and to be sure enough to pursue it. Begin with a discussion with your child about what they would like to pursue after they graduate from high school. They may be interested in going to trade school or college. Talking about their plans and goals will help them plan for the transition from the trade or college of their choice.
Self-advocacy is an acquired skill that can be difficult to master without a guide. It is important to ensure that your child is surrounded by a community of peers who will be there to support the individual. In this way, they’ll have someone whom they can talk to and consult with if they’re unsure about something.
Setting boundaries
Establishing boundaries for your teens is a crucial aspect of being a parent. It is important to know how to deal with the different scenarios that could occur. It is also important to be consistent and precise when setting boundaries. When it comes to setting boundaries for your child, you must decide what you’re willing to accept and what you want to establish boundaries based on what beliefs are best for your family and teenager.
The ability to give space
Giving some space and privacy allows teenagers to develop and look back at themselves. Too much intrusion can damage the relationship. It is important to allow space for the other but keep an eye on overhearing behaviour as well as the relationships they establish as well as other behavioural changes.
Share your experiences
The sharing of one’s own experiences as a parent with a smile about the mistakes they made and laughing loudly are excellent ways to educate young people to take things easy in life and learn from their mistakes. It is not a good idea to compare oneself with their children, nor assume that they will behave identically as they did when they were children because things have drastically changed over time.
Talking the taboos
The discussion of sensitive subjects, such as the adolescent sex, menstrual cycle, and interactions with the opposite gender positively will help them gain an understanding and give people an idea of what they are rather than merely absorbing inaccurate information from others.
Try to imagine yourself in their shoes
It’s not easy being either a teenager or a child. Therefore, before making judgments or reacting too much, we need to think about ourselves and our position and comprehend their attitude and perspective on the scenario. For a teenager, having pimples on their face and not owning a suitable pair of shoes is just as sad as any other circumstance.
Be a cool parent
Your adolescent should be treated like your own friend, something that may be difficult for you. However, it is recommended to keep the child’s mind focused on the present. Talking about funny things and getting to their level of understanding to build a stronger relationship can make you a cool parent.
Teenagers aren’t fully developed, therefore creating clearly defined boundaries will allow them to progress and grow at a moderate rate. By defining boundaries and telling your child that they aren’t required to perform something, you will decrease conflict, improve communication, and encourage independence.
Online Counselling and Professional Support for Parenting
If you want to support your child better or if are having issues with your child, consult a psychologist who is experienced in dealing with adolescent and child situations. They can guide you through these challenging times. At TickTalkTo we have a team of highly skilled psychologists – Sonali Sikdar, Mridula Sharma, Thasneem Kauser, Era Sharma etc. who are available to assist you. The greatest benefit is that you can access these services even from the comfort of your home. Contact us today for the most effective advice for child and teenage-related concerns.
“When you keep criticising your kids, they don’t stop loving you; they stop loving themselves. Let that sink in.”
Tiny Budha